My first fiction for adults is out now, you'll see in the link at the top of the page: "through the lane to St. Anne ... One" and "...Two."
(-: And me Video Gallery :-)
"Walk into the Sun" ~ 7th selfie dance video
“All I got to do ...” Thank you Maverick Sabre for “Walk into the Sun” which is what I’ve been doing with my life lately. Love it! Had to dance! (Listeners, heads up: this song may get stuck in yours; it has in mine!) Thank you for permission, Maverick, to share my enjoyment of your music and Life (via inclusion of ads on youtube sharing). I know I make these videos in celebration of turning ever towards what I experience as my light. Beyond that, it remains a mystery why I put myself through the gulp/guts I have to draw on to post. Has something to do with the not holding back at this stage in the great gift of being alive. As with past and ongoing focus, I threw in a few pieces I look forward to expanding with my practice (eyebrows hopping) ... I can see tap shoes and lessons ahead maybe ;-) ;-) ‘All I got to do’ ...
"Giddy" ~ 6th selfie dance video
GIDDY ... here after all, I’ve done it again, another selfie dance video.
This Jason Mraz/Colbie Caillat song moved me so, I had to do something. Their words weren’t spot on for me, yet the tune, the harmonics stirred straight to my soul ... right on into adapting the 2009 lyrics so everything lined up with how the song made me feel. (Yeah, I don’t believe in ‘luck’ anymore; I have a couple different concepts in my beliefs where luck and lucky used to be. Sorting that out was pleasurable. Doing this number also helped me shore up the opposite of waiting, waiting around for fulfillment from ‘out there.’ Ever since I realized I can be and am simply giddy with Sophia (Sophia’s the name I use for the source of all things and ideas/the at-oneness in us all and in all things/the greater-than-me Source), I'm more giddy than not. You'll find my lyrics in the first Comment on my Facebook post, if you have Fb. My rendition’s not ‘about Sophia,’ it’s about feeling. ... Okay, I invite you to play in this groovy anthem with me. I’m “Giddy” ... whadda you got?
.... (insert several-week delay)
I can’t believe, but it has been ... I recorded the audio eight times some weeks back. Nearly ran out my data usage for the month replaying the original video. I knew I could get to singing better. I determined I’d come back to it. But then I let it sit. I also got stuck on/pictured myself filming from my new home, after I get to move back to the hill where I want to be. But because of that wanting, I totally let this flow in me slow to a near stop. Then to fill the void, other things popped up ... body restoration stuff, yada blah blaahh. The best medicine FOr mE is to let myself be totally ridiculous.
And anyway, am I going to wait to dance giddy while my moments slip by? Or am I going to again, as I did to my first “Happy” dance, just let myself ... let out my love. My expressions being Incomplete. No circumstance keeping me from my giddy.
Yup yup yup. It’s always a ‘which direction will I lean today?’ Into waiting till ... Or will I ... I like to tickle myself into giddy.
I also want to add, a quote that struck me during this interim* ... another’s experience from which I tap into my own courage. I haven’t taken up a sport (yet) at age 68, but I will risk this (my second time) singing publicly. Singing was long ago a sweet part of my life. Just like muscles, especially of the lungs, a voice unused atrophies. So I’m building up mine, decades later ... ah ah ah, Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh it’s never too late ... with appreciation for the many inspiring senior athletes. I must have sung this through 100 times to expand/retool/retune before I tried the first recording. My point about repeating is, not to note how many X’s, but a practice I made to not only get so I could hit the note sometimes, but also so I could and did give myself that many rounds of feeling good ... in those moments ... not waiting till ... and till ... Simply because I can, because my happy measure is all up to me, right now.) I’ve always had a camp voice; love camp singin’! This is my ‘good enough/let it go’ eighth take. With more off camera singing to come.
I just watched “Giddy” again, offline (here at hand via a click on my desktop for that hitching vibrational britches, you know), and I REALIZED besides my contending with the wind, my dog hopping over the seats, the camera operators passing torches (wooden easel to cardboard box to front seat, due to the gusts) ... ‘dance floor’ diminishing as I needed to inch the car over grass patches so my camera wouldn’t clunk onto the pavement ... besides those minor infarctions (heehee), I HAD NO MUSIC PLAYING. Somehow it wasn’t occurring to me that previously I’d plugged in to a house (wink) ... I was friggin’ ‘dancin’’ to the song in my head! (which accounts for the skimpy dance clips assembled when I came to my editing room wink emoticon. Ergo, patting on my back for going ahead and sharing my giddy video anyway. I mention because, good for any of us at this time in life especially if/when we pry loose another of the ‘gotta be perfect’ clamps. This may seem sillily noted as ... well, duh ... clearly there’s never been anything approaching perfectionism in my having fun with these videos. (I KNOW THAT ~ heehee ) Still, there is a letting go, the ‘who gives a rip!’ that is worth noting. Tra laaaa! Ha haaaa! I’d love to hear your letting go stories!!!
*And here’s where I found my courage to put this selfie song and dance online: in random selection from the library’s new shelf, a punk rocker’s memoir. (I love listenin’ to what makes others tick, and Viv Albertine holds nothing back.) On page 79 Viv raves up the influence she invited from Patti Smith, “I rush home and put the record on. ... The structure of the song is unique to her, not copies of old ... they’re a mix of improvisation, landscapes, grooves, verses and choruses. She’s a private person who dares to let go in front of everyone, puts herself out there and risks falling flat on her face. Up until now girls [me ... older wom] have been so controlled and restrained. Patti Smith is abandoned. Her record [though I’m not drawn to Patti’s or Viv’s, theirs inspire me] translates into sound, parts of myself that I could not access, could not verbalize, could not visualize, until this moment.” Here’s to the slip of a reveal within each of us in whatever ways we choose to release. ♥ Sparky
"Living in the Moment" ~ 4th selfie dance video
My 4th selfie dance video to “Living in the Moment” by Jason Mraz.
Lee Isaacson Roll commented on my last dance video, which I had hoped she wouldn’t see, out of concern for our, in those moments, different abilities. Instead, she popped right into the conversation. Lee’s words << Keep dancing, laughing, exuberant living! Do the things I can no longer do (well, I still laugh-- a lot!) and have the best time ever! You brought back so many memories of JR and the kids when they were little rocking out to Flashdance. Keep on! >> ... So this, Lee, is <3 me with you <3 . Feels like stirring up joy together; thanks for being with me still.
My preface here is no way apology, more my self soothing: I am aware that my energy is a little low after the weekend’s 11-hour drives, road trip and glory days with my daughter and son-in-law in the Sierras, the 11-hour drive home on Monday somewhat diminishing. I was thinking of a dance coming round though, feeling a bit of a poser too :-) as my last is already months back. I don’t make these selfie videos in any planned way though. I wait until I’m hit with an idea. So that wondering when another dance is coming increased after I read of Lee’s passing, belatedly late Monday night. And then ... this morning when I woke at 3:36, eager to get up, I knew: Today I will Dance with Lee. And I will do so with gentleness for us both, as I continue on, setting my own stage for ‘ease’ from here on.
I’m also noticing, shiveringly so, how fun this is ~ when things line up they really line up. Early on the morning I was leaving for E's, I went out my seldom-used side door, to the garage for loading up. Right there on the narrow steps, a fox had left me a Happy Trails tribute. And then THIS morning when I was out catching the moon ... I’d been on the deck, come in for a minute ... I was about to step back out when there was the fox walking right past my hammock where I’d been two minutes before. ON THE DECK, my hand on the door, four feet from it! I did take a breath and go on out. Then I’d nearly finished filming that segment, all grin inside, when a bat almost bonked my in-the-air feet. Done enough, feeling more giggly than weirded out by the bat, I was taking my pup to our front door which has a substantial landing under a porch roof, wide set of steps ... and right there, sometime in the night the fox had left its little giftie. On our front porch. Now I don’t know about you, but I feel holy blessed when creatures make their close comings and goings super apparent to me.
I thought to myself, I have got to do this, with all these energies swirling about, no matter that mine may be lacking. And you’ll see, per my commitment, when I get that rush ‘today ... I dance’ I do, get it done within 24 hours and all right here, in whatever’s at hand, and with whatever or whoever shows up. So here we have it, gentling with Lee (and a fawn who happened by right in the middle of my ‘filming’): “Living in the Moment,” my 4th selfie dance video, by Jason Mraz. with love, Sparky
"Happy!" (Thanks to Pharrell Williams in the background!)
Click directly to youtube link for my first 'selfie' dance video ~ heehee! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oew-Wuu0lVQ This "Happy" clip appeared on my Facebook page on March 5th. Come on over to add to the fun. ~ Happy on Me Mind ~ Okay, before I give myself a heart attack with Takes 9, 10, and 11 ... and with my due caveats ‘what IS that body that doesn’t look like I feel’ and ‘I know I can do better than this’ (especially if I’m not in front of a camera :-) ... I am posting today because (amid Marchiness, weather-wise) it is a part of my ongoing practice to focus on/contribute to ~ thank you Pharrell Williams ~ The Happiness of Our World, even when it means a roll-out on the ridiculous just to make me (and you) laugh. With love and big hugs especially for those feeling any current situation not to your liking, the seriousness of many events notwithstanding, I join with you in intent and knowing that we always always have a choice (with so many models, past 'n present) ... to make happy! May the impulse sweep you too right onto your feet, or wheels, or what-have-you. Sparks here on the southern Oregon coast, North America Let me know where you’re dancing! Or send a clip!!
"Loving ourselves, loving Being" ~ 2nd selfie dance video
With my kudos and couldn’t-have-finished-without-you appreciation to Jared Johnson for editing/enhancing the final cut, I made this video hearkening to early-Mom-era, with what I thought was a Charlie Chaplin poem “As I Began to Love Myself” supposedly from his late in life. There seems some discrepancy about that poem’s authorship, so I won’t repost it as CC’s. The point still holds: whatever state I'm in, hoorah for valuing myself enough to go on being who I am, as I’m able, free of apologies, regrets, fears, blames ... no worries either (most of the time), and way less holding back. Any who've returned to watch this particular video a second time, may notice I've cut the sections that didn't feel good (I certainly never intended to make fun of anyone but myself :-); this then, my bit choppy Take 2 version. I love we can 'Take 2' through life, as needed. Whatever venue I jump into from here on ... and on and on ... I'm going to keep pulling me rip cord when I’m anywhere near this joy. Thanks for watching. ♥ Sparky
With my thanks, the music was Mike Cornick: One Minute Rag, on youtube, Piano piece for four hands. Performed by Emese Klug and Donat Reczetar. 2010 Jan 30 Bartok Bela Zeneiskola, Szombathely, Hungary
"What a Feeling" ~ 3rd selfie dance video
My Facebook post: When we know ourselves, when we get comfortable in our own skin and come to believe anything can happen ... “What a feeling!”
With my great appreciation: In “Flashdance” the movie, the original was sung by Irene Cara who was the lyricist with Keith Forsey, the music by Giorgio Moroder. One requirement I place on myself in making and posting videos is that from inspiration to recording/posting I move quickly, embracing solely my immediate geography, ‘wardrobe,’ spontaneous ‘choreography,’ novice techie skills, etc. in order that I don’t get caught up in perfection obsessions. (What you won’t see then, in my in-the-moment outbursting of video is my dancing in my heart with my kids and their spouses and kids, the lot of whom I adore with this same passion.) So my huge thanks to Sister Cristina Scuccia and her winning “Voice” performance in Italy, singing which transcended seeming limitations, and inspired me a few days ago. Brava!
Rather than perpetuating the belief that my old thought line is uncrossably, tenaciously tripping-up grabby, I am comfortable with noting the line now between my believing in myself (or more basically, simply loving myself) and letting myself soar has become, through my practice, so thin it's immaterial. As in posting ... video 3! Yay! Even though I do still have to hurdle over or dodge around: Do I dare; I don’t want what I do to bring up hurt in anyone, knowing I do sometimes make takes that come out insensitively other-than-intended; I should have blah blah; My feet hurt and other this & that body stuff; Maybe it’s too late; and the lousiest of all, What will others think? ... I continue now yay yay yay to let myself open to the exuberant flow that is me. (And who, I ask myself, who has let themselves be all they could be, ever threw up a permanent barricade that said ‘selfie’ is too self-y? The point of a selfie isn’t me, it’s letting go, relief, liking, owning, rising into mySelf and all the other feelings leading up to JOY. And joy is so WAY bigger than me. Here’s to loving ourselves enough/and loving others enough, to skip on by those snatcherly thoughts.) If not now and without apology, when?
Yay for the feeling I get in laying down a sentence that I like ... oh, I don’t mean these fingers-flying types in my posts and emails, I mean the deep writing work I get to do. As soon as I’m done dancin’ today, I’m on to what’s current, my first full novel, well underway! Whoohoo!
"Farewell to Ashley Longworth" 5th selfie dance video
“Farewell to Ashley Longworth,” my fifth and maybe last selfie video (with Bloopers!) ... or maybe just the last for a while. (It IS FUN!) No damage done in this one ... just thinking ... might be time for lessons as I’ve maxed out variety in the dance, or at least what comes out of my hands and feet on the spur of these moments. I made it again ... squeaked in or real close. I did spend some time ahead on the ‘lyrics.’ But I donned my skates after decades in storage, also got in the (d#@* ;-) recording, such as it was, the filming and the puttin’ it all together in my self-prescribed 24-hour framework. You’ll see, what I lack in ability to dub in layered sound still, I solved by learning ‘insert text.’ Regarding Ashley Longworth* ... maybe you secret one yourself, or maybe you hold onto an idea that has lovely aspects but really truly you’ve moved on, or you would if you said good-bye on that front. I’m more goofy than usual after my all-nighter ... so I won’t suggest making ‘sense’ in this ... just enjoy ... if you like. Hugs and off we go. And later: I've been thinking about Kitty L. Coleman's comment on my Fb post, 'as long as you're having fun with [the video dances]' ... Thanks! I like running through the various aspects in my mind. You know one thing I absolutely LOVE? The putting together the clips, fitting them to the music, remembering as best I can the 'do this' FIRST, 'and don't forget that part before you do the other.' It's a challenge ... one I LIKE. And it's like nothing I've ever done before. One way I really know the 'this is for me!' satisfaction: last night I looked up from the the computer, the physical doing long done, and I realized 'that's dawn coming on!' ... And the last time I'd glanced at the clock was four or five hours before. I love engagement and 'getting up to speed' with something, and having little bits of it turn out enjoyably. Think of what filmmakers must experience in getting to watch a full movie they've put together! And: This whole dancing and posting my dancing isn't at all about 'Look at me!' or even 'look at me.' It's about loving the energy that pours through me ... I mean, just LOVING IT ... how it feels to lose track of time and stay up all friggin' night just cuz I'm having so much fun.) And the real kicker/the heavyweight 'oh, it's not just me ... wow, there are others on this island??!!' is when I get to hear from you/others about times when you likewise are just bowled over with being alive (or trying something new, or doing something you've wondered if you could). This is the fun that goes on, after the event itself. And that brings up another point I'm wanted to say ... this time I have is a huge gift, something I've taken/ made for myself (you have to know, my life hasn't always been like this, where I actually can stay up all night and not have little ones needing me in the morning, though I wouldn't have missed those days for anything); I hope everyone who would like similar time with ease in their lives gets it/creates it at some point in their lives, to explore whatever would come up for them, not in performing necessarily, just in living. Hugs! And thanks for coming round! * Regarding Ashley Longworth: It's seems I may be a rare one here who not only gathered her family on the couch every week during their growing up ~ I did make popcorn, provided candy, I'll give me that ~ taking that one-hour “Waltons” reprieve, enjoying watching someone else meet the challenges of parenting, and who remembers as if a part of our extended (TV) family, Miss Emily Baldwin's pining away for a brief love, expecting him to return at any moment. Well well to my farewell (not that it matters; it doesn't). Happy now.